One of the most beautiful and intricate feelings we as humans can feel is love. It has the ability to take us to amazing heights and plunge us into terrible lows. When we fall in love, it can feel as if we are flying on air and have finally completed our puzzle. However, being heartbroken can make us feel as though the ground has been pulled out from under us, leaving us damaged and alone.
A little over a year ago, I experienced a life-changing event. My then-girlfriend broke up with me after more than two years together. We shared the same vibe. We enjoyed each other’s presence. We were building and fulfilling our dreams together – until we weren’t.
Perhaps the most painful breakup is a “clean” one – no cheating involved, no quarrels prior to the split, no blatant issues. The infamous “spark” just turned off, and in its absence, questions and doubts rushed in.
I was heartbroken. I was crushed to the core. I was left with a large vacuum in my life. I didn’t know what to do. Minutes turned into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months. And every passing day was a heavy load to carry.
Thankfully, I am now back on track after a long journey to healing and forgiveness. The breakup taught me many things – albeit the hard way.
Breakups are frequently perceived as the sad finale of a romantic relationship, an unhappy conclusion to what was once a beautiful love story. But as time passed by, I realized that breakups aren't just an end; they're another face of love.
Truth be told, when we fall in love, we expose ourselves to the risk of getting harmed. We readily accept the danger because the benefits of love are so wonderful. However, the loss of a relationship can be terrible. The person we loved, with whom we had a lot of memorable adventures and planned to spend the rest of our lives with, has unexpectedly left us. Our tremendous sense of loss and anguish remains. Suddenly, the life we became accustomed to has vanished.
Breakups can present a significant opportunity for personal development and self-discovery. We are compelled to face our deepest fears and anxieties when we encounter heartbreak. We often find a fortitude we didn't realize we possessed when we have to learn to live without the person who was previously the center of our universe.
The greatest battles during the healing journey are often the ones fought inside our own minds. For me, these battles came with more intensity in the late hours of the evening just before I went to sleep. I would have endless conversations with myself, agonizing over what went wrong, what I could have done better, why things ended the way they did.
But the breakup was actually a beginning, difficult as it was, of a “new life” for me. What I realized during the long and challenging journey toward healing is that I must forgive myself, not for being not enough, but for loving someone else so much that I forgot to love myself. St. Thomas Aquinas tells us that to love is to will the good of the other. So while I do not regret prioritizing my girlfriend’s welfare and happiness, I recognize now that I shouldn’t have neglected my own life and happiness in the process.
Breakups are ultimately just another face of love rather than simply an end. They serve as a reminder that while love is often difficult, it is always worthwhile. They show us that we are resilient and strong beings who can find hope and healing even in the midst of grief. Breakups most critically teach us that love is about finding the right person for us, not the perfect person. Even with our best efforts, relationships occasionally fail to succeed. It doesn't necessarily follow that we are unlovable or that we will never be content. It simply means that we need to keep searching, keep learning, and keep growing.
Despite all the suffering and uncertainty, I still believe that love is worthwhile. Sometimes, it takes a heartbreak to reevaluate our love for ourselves. A breakup led me to look at it as a manifestation of love for myself – and looking back at this journey, it was all worth it.
