Self-love is not intrinsically self-indulgent.
Feel free to read that again, or several times if you need it to sink in.
I personally had to grapple with this concept for close to a year before I fully began to accept it as truth.
While I was in college, I thought that self-love was based solely on one’s own pride and egotism. In my mind, humility and charity were the only qualities of value in a person. So, I clung on to them, particularly humility. Any chance I got, I would work to let those around me know how amazing and loved they were. But I never once offered the same kindness to myself.
In fact, I began doing the opposite. I began to focus on self-deprecation.
It started with humor. In my mind, if I laughed it off, it wasn’t really harming anyone, myself included. After all, I was only telling these “jokes” to make others laugh or to help them feel better about themselves. Therefore, my intentions were pure; at least in the beginning.
This method of comedy quickly became my entire shtick. I had no other material. It was either tear myself to shreds for the amusement of others or be silent.
Within weeks, I began to internalize all of my go-to quips. Even when others weren’t around, I’d catch myself thinking about how stupid I was for doing something a certain way or how bad I looked when casually passing by a darkened window.
At this point, my “jokes” were no longer told in jest. They were deep-seeded beliefs I held about my personality, my body, and my worth as a whole.
Around this time, the intentions behind my words began to blur. At some level, I was still trying to build others up. But behind every one-liner was a hint of self-desire for assurance and validation from my audience.
This behavior went on for a long time, and as these things do, it got much worse before it got better.
My rock bottom was softer than most. One night, during my senior year of college, I found myself halfway through a bottle of vodka, passed out on the white fluffy rug that covered over half of my small dorm room. As I literally peeled myself off of the ground and leaned my aching head against the futon behind me, I realized that if I didn’t get some help soon, I might one day experience something more permanent than a raging hangover.
So, within a week, I found myself apprehensively rolling into the counseling center on campus where I was introduced to positive self-talk.
Over the next several months, I worked weekly with my counselor to unpack each negative thought I had about myself and combat them with statements of truth.
“You are three-dimensional and are, therefore, allowed to take up space.”
“You are a human being in the same way that your peers, friends, and family members are human beings. Anything you think they deserve, you, by default, deserve too.”
Logic. Fact. Rationale.
The three ingredients I needed to break down the years of abuse I had hurled at myself.
Things didn’t change overnight and it still took me a long time to fully come to terms with my opening statement: self-love is not intrinsically self-indulgent.
But as I continued therapy and dove deeper into the self-love community online, I realized that it’s not narcissistic to have positive self-esteem and take pride in who you are.
It’s healthy.
Below are five statements that are designed to be repeated out loud every day. They are rooted in faith, inspired by bible verses, and act as further proof that not only are you an amazing human being, but it is good for you to think so.
- I have inherent worth because I am a human being and am made in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:27).
- My body is a temple and deserves love, kindness, and respect (Corinthians 6:19).
- Rest is a necessary part of the human experience (Hebrews 4:9-11).
- I am valuable because I am uniquely me (Luke 12:7).
- I love myself exactly as I am today and exactly as I will be tomorrow (Ephesians 5:29).
